#5 - Leaping Like Salman's

Happy Sunday! I hope you've aal had a canny weekend - whatever difference that makes for many these days. Nonetheless, just be happy you're here!

Now, let us just forget that I've not bothered me arse to write for a few weeks. 😏

So first and foremost, thanks once again to the two Tom's who made their debut's last time out! From the feedback received it was a worthwhile edition to the blog and something that I aim to feature again moving forward (wherever feasible). And on that subject of feedback, thanks to all those who've provided both support to myself and guest writers in recent weeks, and those whom have made suggestions on how to improve the blog - it's greatly appreciated.

With that in mind, I've sought to follow that advice and in this edition I have dabbled with the use of videos and/or voice recordings in an attempt to make this more accessible. As you will also notice, this edition is void of a "Pillar to Post", that will follow in a separate edition later this week, to hopefully make each blog more digestible. 

So without further ado, welcome back to...

Keegan's Corner

and...as-salaam alaikum (peace be unto you) for the Ashley era may finally be over!

 Alreet....alreet...

So before we gan radge (and undoubtedly the desire to do so is there), let's take a moment to reflect on what's been a funny auld time at Newcastle United, under the ownership of Mike Ashley. Firstly, with the realisation that we've been here before - many a time. It's far from a done deal and it ain't over until the fat...🤔...gadgy, is singing. We all want to believe, (of course we do), that this is finally the end - Saudi funding or otherwise. But we'd be wise to hold off on some of that excitement until the deal is done. # cansaway

(What an absolute cringe of a phrase by the way, just like #limbs and #lads...)

Anyhoo, let's not forget, that whilst this is and always will be our club, this was also Ashley's cash cow, until Rafa Benitez and COVID-19.

To shine some additional light - the Corona virus has caused everywhere to have an economic downturn, apart from maybe supermarkets and medicine. In addition, Rafa Benitez united, United, everywhere but the boardroom. For that, the true owners of the club i.e. any reasonable Newcastle United supporter, will be forever grateful (irrespective of the style of football played). It was a stake that was firmly placed in the ground as both fan groups and individuals could finally draw a line in the sand and say "we back this man or we don't go back".

The Rafa Benitez reign started in a season where we ended up an almost certainty to be relegated, with our band of merry mercenaries and a clueless McClaren unable to motivate the dressing room. A fan base apathetic about it all, as it had been here before, and little to be excited about other than getting more for next seasons money with an additional 5 home games. His arrival sparked a renewed hope and belief for the supporters which resulted in some much needed positivity both on the pitch and in the stands. Some good results followed but not enough to keep us in the Premier League.

Image courtesy of the Shields Gazette

The final game of that season vs Tottenham Hotspur must have been memorable for Rafa, as the crowd didn't stop all game. Endless renditions of Rafa Benitez songs such as the adaptation of  Los Lobos' "La Bamba" ringed out and a simple "Rafa-Rafael..." song that surely pulled on the heart strings and resulted in two additional years of his leadership. But...rather than me sit here and waffle on about how much I loved Benitez, let's cut to the chase - he simply wasn't backed. This resulted in increased fan unrest and many people following the stance of fan group "If Rafa Goes We Go". It's exactly what it says on the tin. Circa 10k season ticket holders jacked it in last summer, myself being just one of them - a head over heart decision which was massively unusual for me. We owe a lot to that "anonymous" group, simply for being just that, and acting as a non-ego-driven entity and subsequent catalyst to the most significant, fan-led, anti-Ashley protest action in the 13 year custodianship (we hope!).

As just one of those protestors / boycotters it'd be fantastic to attribute some of those efforts (and the efforts of those who stood shoulder to shoulder with me) as the main source for this potential outcome. Yet, the reality is that bad business decisions - both in retail and in football, have driven Ashley into a corner. In the last 13 years here are just some of the wrong-doings, misdemeanours and errors that have occurred under his watch:

Sports Direct

• Paying warehouse staff under the national minimum wage

• Forced to pay back £1million in wages stolen from staff

• Employed the UK's most vulnerable staff on zero hour contracts

• Had a 6 strike policy leaving staff feeling oppressed and fearful for their jobs

• 75 ambulances called to the main warehouse in under 2 years with one woman giving birth to her child in the toilet as she was "afraid to miss her shift"

• Labelled in the FTSE 350 as the most unethical company

• Snubbed an order for him to attend the houses of parliament for review of his companies' ethics

• Staff members being sacked for being ill for a fortnight

• Attempted to keep stores open despite a country-wide lock down for non-essential work during the COVID-19 pandemic

Newcastle United

• Free advertising of his own company and subsequent rebranding of St James' Park with zero profit to Newcastle United

• Reduction in commercial revenue growth

• Refusal to back Alan Pardew following a successful season where we finished 5th, and consolidate our position towards the top end of the table
• Accused of "repeatedly and intentionally misleading the press, public and fans of Newcastle United" in court, by a tribunal panel

• Ordered to pay £2million in compensation to NUFC fans' favourite Kevin Keegan for unfair dismissal

• Appointment of inadequate directors, managers and head coaches (e.g. Lee Charnley, Joe Kinnear, John Carver and Steve McClaren) 

• Refusal to back Rafa Benitez resulting in him walking at the end of his contract

• Personal purchase and resale of Strawberry Place land from the club prohibiting the clubs future use

I've deliberately left out some of the points that are slightly more disputable, but all in all the blokes been a reet arsewipe. I mean it goes without saying that, the 'Fat Cockney Bastard' has gone from being a beer-guzzling, fun loving, 'fellow fan' to being a negligent, ignorant, money-sucking leech - siphoning the cash out of our club whilst he attempts to revive his retail empire.

Image courtesy of Google

Even just to look at the Sports Direct share price from the last 5 years tells you it's own story (see right).

I mean, I'm no reader of the stock market or experienced business man, but I'd think if he wants to be the hero of the high street, now might be a good time to cash in on his cow, take his milk and piss off.

Should he buy back more of the Fraser Group (formerly Sports Direct) shares whilst it's at a recent-time low. Then once we get out of the pandemic and back to normality, he could theoretically sell those shares again at a profit, enabling him the opportunity to buy up more of the high street and run them into the ground too.

Let's just hope he doesn't continue to take the piss out of your every day Joe Blogg on the way. It's not good practice or best placed to wish ill on others, but honestly - if he loses all his wealth and ends up in a position where he has to feed his family with a zero-hour contract on less than minimum wage, it'll be a smile on my face and karma well served.

This brings me nicely to the first "...Take From A Fellow Taty" contribution:

A Take From A Fellow Taty...(#1)

False Dawns

As someone who has supported Newcastle United since the age of 6 or 7 years old, I had always wanted a season ticket. Unfortunately (for me), there wasn't the opportunity until in later life when I could potentially afford my own. My parents, whilst they were interested in how we were doing, never really had the desire or indeed spare cash to spend such amounts on tickets for the club I love. I got my first job at 16, and began getting myself set up in life - paying for driving lessons, and looking towards having my own car, which I achieved just shortly after. By such time Ashley was in talks to buy the club and a new era of hope had begun for us - could we push to be league winners and really be the club I thought we could be?

It was at Blackburn away that I met my (now) wife, who is originally from Darlington. She received a place at Leeds university shortly after we met and subsequently, I spent my time both travelling and being with her at weekends. Upon the end of her course, things had already began to turn sour for the Toon. Ashley had already began playing up and I took the decision at this point to place a personal stake in the ground. I would not buy a season ticket under his regime. Why start under him, if I'd lasted this long before? For the club that I identified myself with as a youngster and grew to love was no longer the same. It was harder to identify with and harder to connect and subsequently my interest dwindled. But I promise myself that when he eventually goes, I'll be getting myself to St James' Park regularly. The hope that one day I will once again have a club with ambition and a drive to do well is something I will always want to be part of and if that means going to the ground week-in-week-out, it would be an added bonus.

Image courtesy of the Evening Chronicle

Over the years there have been a number of alleged takeover approaches and renewed hope that the good days may be returning, only for each approach to disintegrate into nothing. A lot of people seem to be getting extremely excited about the latest takeover news and although I do believe there is something happening, I can't help but feel it all sounds too good to be true. I'm trying to keep away from any article that discusses the potential takeover as I don't want to allow myself to fall into the same trap as we all had previously with other takeover gossip, only to be left disheartened and somewhat embarrassed.

Ultimately a takeover is what the club needs, whether that be with those who seem to be actively trying to buy the club or someone else in the future. The fans have been dragged through a mixture of emotions and I believe a takeover will bring the fan base together once again and lead to a brighter and more prosperous future for NUFC.

Alex

Having known Alex for a little over half of my life, I know of his desire and love for Newcastle. To grace us with his ugly mug on a regular basis at the match would be an absolute joy, as those match days build memories that occasionally last a lifetime - if the bottles of dog don't send you barking mad!

It's hard to argue with much of what he has said - we briefly debated the other day how and why fans could be as excited as they are. With a somewhat un-calculated and controversial opinion, I claimed that when you've invested as much time and money in as some people, you have every right to be like a kid in a candy shop, which is different to looking on from home. The conversation intensified but I think the decision was mutually taken to avoid the whole super-fan debate, as frankly there's nowt more tedious. We both know what it means to one another and we know better than to make enemies of friends (so to speak). Something we both wish the Newcastle fans realised years ago and we may have arrived at this juncture sooner.

How disjointed have we been man?! At least we can hopefully let bygones be bygones and move forward.

After all...

Image courtesy of The Mirror

So...in the fight to remove our odious owner, the men (and women) of morality repeatedly banged the drum of discontent at how Ashley treated his staff in the retail sector, joining forces at times with political and human-rights activists. That same drum wasn't heard by many. Ironic that we should now be owned by Saudi's who possibly pip people to the post on that front. I guess for the most part that battle for morality was a battle of convenience. I'm not gonna lie - it was for me. I was fighting for my football club primarily, but sometimes you have to fight smart and not hard. The pin-prick from all sides was always the best way to get at Ashley, hit him from all angles, and hope that how you hit gets harder in time. However, if this it "it" then the hypocrisy I discussed in earlier editions lies firmly at my door.

Am I arsed about the human rights violations committed by the Saudi's. Aye. It's dogshit. Like, you'd have to be a reet bell-end to not realise that. Am I arsed enough to campaign about it when the Toon are banging 8 passed Everton? Nah, am I shite. I doubt many would be if they were truthful to themselves, Toon fans or otherwise.

It's interesting that this has become such an issue in the media's reporting of the alleged takeover. The same media who've ignored the FCB's human rights violations and ethics for over a decade and the same media who've allowed him to spout whatever propaganda he wishes about the club. What's a matter? Is your club gonna be potentially blown out the financial water? Is the issue that it's not your club potentially having access to this level of wealth? Course it is.  The mainstream media report what suits their agenda and a North Eastern powerhouse, football or otherwise is a headache for those in the South, but don't worry - should they be worse than Ashley, I'll be back out with my flags and banners, cause this club, this city, is ours.

The issue isn't the purchase of Newcastle United. The issue is the purchasing of arms and oil, the purchasing of pretty much owt you watch or touch by other corrupt governments and countries violating human rights. Or how about the purchase of the Premier League that's been ongoing for decades and that is now happening with boxing and formula one. That's right, you, the media are  complicit in taking sport from the people. So evaluate your own morality instead of massacring mine. 

Time for a breather...🤣

[🤔...M'bappe or Messi...hmmmmm both...errrrrr...🤔]

...and now for this editions second contribution...

A Take From A Fellow Taty...(#2)

Murderous Mags?

For a long time now, we have dreamt of the day Mike Ashley sells Newcastle United Football Club and we can get back to just loving our football club in its entirety once again.  

As expected with Newcastle United, any stories that emerge from NE1 they are covered in controversy. Some of it may be justified, some of it not, but one thing is for sure, I want this takeover to go through. It’s a chance for a fresh start, and yes fans of Newcastle United have said that every single time the name above the door has changed, but this one is desperately needed.  

Naturally, fans are dreaming of what could be with the money rumoured to be associated with the new owners, but if one thing I've learned following Newcastle United over the decades is that we are not allowed nice things! Part of me is expecting this entire thing to go tits up. 

One thing I won’t be commenting on is what every journalist seems to want an answer, the Saudi Arabian regime. I’m not qualified enough to discuss it, I’m a football fan. As someone I know rightly pointed out, we can’t even get Sky to stop playing us away from home on Monday Night Football. What on earth am I going to achieve with discussing political regimes?  

I care about Newcastle, I care about where I’ll be travelling to watch Newcastle in the Champions League Final in 2 years time. Ok, I’m getting carried away.  

I do care about the progression of Newcastle United and to see the club striving to be the best it can be. If someone wants to make millions on the side of that, fine. As long as my football club is serving its community and helping better the lives of many in the community then that’s good enough for me. 

If you want to ask about political regimes, ask the government. 

Who knows when we’ll be able to see Newcastle United again live in person, but when I do, I want all of my pals there, I want to have spent hundreds on club merchandise, I want to be amongst the best atmosphere putting on a huge display for Wor Flags again and not having to worry about what Mike fucking Ashley is going to do to ruin any good moments. 

Let us enjoy what might be.

Thomas

I thought there'd be nowt else for me to add to that but I suppose...

Finally...

....as previously mentioned - whilst it'd be nice to attribute the potential departure of the Fat Cockney Bastard largely to the protestors and boycotters, it isn't the case. Nevertheless - it has helped. It's taught me that, sometimes when no-one else believes they can make a difference, you can. Engage, motivate those who share your views, network, sacrifice, do all in your power (or all the power that you can reasonably apply) and you might reap the rewards in the end.

Failure is not defined by trying and not succeeding, failure is failing to try.

With all this discussion of change of ownership and the misdemeanours of Mike, I'd like to end with an image from a goal that, is not only one of my favourites in recent times, but also depicts the Ashley Era. A goal which helped keep us in the division and remaining mediocre. A goal scored by someone who was shit on by the club as he fought with cancer. A goal that questioned the ownership and coaching staff at the time. Ladies and gentleman I give you Jonas Gutierrez 👏👏👏

Ciao for now ;) 

#4 - Tom-Tom and Some Navigation

Good morning (at the time of writing) friends and family and welcome to my 4th edition of The Ramblings Of A Madman. Amid an expected and sensible increase in home-working and self-isolation, I figured I'd put something else out to try and tie up 20 or 30 minutes of your time. Hmmm - you'd be lucky, this ones canny monstrous.

On Facebook in recent weeks, I've suggested that if anyone would like to write their own piece, then feel free to get in touch and I'll look to fit in whatever I can, and after discussions with various friends since my last post, two have tip-toed forward to give their takes on current world tales.

I therefore give you the first taste of a new section...

A Take From A Fellow Taty...(#1)

Driven Up The Wall

I haven’t even had COVID-19 and it is already destroying me. My heart goes out to those who have got it or know someone that does, I hope you make a full recovery.

For me, it’s completely different. I travelled to Southampton two weeks ago today for a football match. 30,000 people in attendance, hugging random people when we scored and all I was being told to do was wash my hands. I must admit it didn’t feel right, something wasn’t right in the air. Every person you looked at and got near - you just wondered if they had it. 

I was told at that match about matches being potentially played behind closed doors. Who knew that it was the last match I’d attend for God knows how long. That was my only worry, as selfish as that sounds. 

I wasn’t worried about the Coronavirus, I was told by medical experts I’d be fine as I’m young. I was worried about how it may affect my ability to go to the game. Petrified they’d play Newcastle v Man City in the FA Cup Quarter Final behind closed doors - whinging that they can’t play without the fans there! 

As time went on, the seriousness grew every day. Businesses started to take action, people began losing their jobs, government statements began being provided daily. Yet, part of me still didn’t believe the hype, the numbers didn’t match up to the reaction. I believed everything about it just being a flu, and that old belief that “ahh, I won’t get it.” 

I’m due to get married in Orlando in August, and that was becoming a huge worry. What would happen with the travel? The wedding? The Villa? The tickets for Disney etc? All hundreds upon thousands of pounds! What can I do until they say you can’t travel? 

I haven’t had COVID-19, and I hope I don’t get it. I hope my loved ones - both family and friends manage to avoid it, and hope their loved ones do too. A big part of me still doesn’t understand the whole situation. Here we are though - a week after people have been stockpiling and these selfish bastards have caused chaos for everyone else, thus leading them to stockpile, I now feel I’m staring into the abyss. 

I’ve been training to become a fully qualified driving instructor for the last year and I had one more exam to pass before being fully qualified. My part 3 - I had 3 attempts to pass it. After failing twice, the pressure was on the 3rd attempt. Fail, and I’d be unemployed. Monday just gone, I passed that test. It felt like the depression I’ve suffered over the last year with very little money coming in and no job security had been lifted after I passed this exam, and now all was good. Yet, now I’m finally a driving instructor, they’ve cancelled driving tests for up to 3 months.  

Now there are no driving tests, this effectively means no one will take lessons, and where is my support?! Mortgage holidays etc., but where does that leave me with council tax? Utility bills? Broadband? Insurance? My work franchise fees? My car? 

Soon, I’ll have no money. With a potential wedding in America coming up, I’m petrified. I’m worried for my house, I’m worried for my fiancés work. I’m self employed and I’m getting zero help! These times are unprecedented, and yet I can’t help but hate those able to work from home and continue to get paid, or those who don’t have to work but'll still get paid. They’ll be fine, completely unscathed, whereas all I can see now is destruction.

The depression is back, it went away briefly when I passed my test last week. That lasted a few hours. We went out for a drink and it felt wrong. Like we shouldn’t have been there. 

I’ve applied for numerous supermarket jobs now, fingers crossed I get one but I imagine so many are in the same boat. 

Is it going to get worse before it gets better? Probably, and I’m not sure I can handle it.

Thomas Concannon

A Take From A Fellow Taty...(#2)

Take It From Me

Defying the Rules

On any normal Friday afternoon in Britain, a clock fast approaching 5pm would mean one thing for many a British worker - it’s that time of the week to wave off the working woes and head to the local drinking establishment for another Friday night’s bevy. Although these aren’t normal times, they are uncertain, unpredictable and highly concerning. The Sky News alert flashed up to produce another performance from a tired looking PM. Once again, I personally felt the update was lacking conviction, encouragement or a real plan on how to tackle this crisis, leaving many left scratching their heads on the do’s and do not's. However, one they finally got right, albeit a few days late maybe – the pubs and restaurants are closed for now.

We all love a drink, this is Britain - who doesn’t? It’s our culture to get pissed at the weekend. But at the high possibility of damaging other people’s health as well as your own?

Nah you’re alright!

To a lot of us it’s like being a grounded kid again after being an arsehole at school but you can’t help feel that this will come as major shock to 'Generation Me'. Someone telling them "hey, no you can’t!". A lad of about 20 had tweeted over the weekend “why are they closing our nightclubs when it's full of people willing to accept the risks” only to be hilariously shot down by a reply “I would like a refund on my tax that I paid for this boys education”. Then there was the highly irritating Sam Smith making videos of himself crying – nah, sorry mate stop attention seeking. And that bell end from High School the Musical? Don’t get me started on her!

In some ways it may be my generation who find this time the least difficult, the 30-40 years age bracket who are, for the most part getting married, shagging and having kids (or at least according to Facebook)! Then there’s the stubborn generation who the penny just doesn’t seem to drop with - how serious a situation this is for them, and they would rather risk their own health for the sake of routine.

The decision has been taken away regarding the socials. With luck it will curb numerous arguments brewing amongst friends, family and social media acquaintances. A war was brewing between Pub Remainers and Pub Leavers. I wish all those in the leisure industry the very best but surely these measures will save people’s lives. You will be back!

Been Here Done It

So, we’re stopping in. We’re all doing it, it’s here to stay and that’s a fact. Get used to it.

Not many will fancy it I’d imagine as the days become repetitive, time with family and friends become few and far between, the same four walls staring back at you. Ages since your last pint with the lads or a while since that last match you attended. We don’t even know if we’ve got that holiday to look forward to in the summer anymore depending on how long this goes on. I’d imagine a few peoples escape routes will be cut off and a few pecking hens in the mind will be coming home to roost.

This was me in 2018. 

I have suffered with anxiety for the best part of 20 years and had a very bad episode during the summer of 2018. At the time of England’s great World Cup run. Football (almost!) came home but so did I and there I fucking stayed. Drinking excessively on the day to hide the horrendous nerves that I knew were starting to overcome me, England thumped Panama 6-nowt and as joyous a day that was in the scorching, June sunshine, I knew what was coming. Monday morning, I felt like I’d had a breakdown as I begged and sobbed at my Mrs not to go to work and leave me on my own.

Severe anxiety that then led to an awful episode of Agoraphobia. Terrified to leave the house, panic attacks at the front door, cut off from the outside world, cut off from dear friends & family who lived 10 minutes down the road. The walls felt like they had caved in on me not knowing when I would be back out again, in the big wide world. If ever. Slipping into some kind of alternative universe through a combination of mental exhaustion and a bad dose of nerves.

An 18-month battle then took place, the never ending road to recovery to get back to where I knew I could and wanted to be. My own personal resurrection taking place when I stepped foot on a plane for the first time in 6 years back in November. The journey won't stop there, however.  

What is apparent from my tale though is that we are tougher than what we sometimes give ourselves credit for. Despite being a bunch of bog-roll-grabbing, greedy, selfish bastards the human mind can be resilient given the right tools and care. With the right short-term changes and long term help I fought back and got back on the horse (or plane if you like?).

Hypnotherapy, counselling and a bloody strong woman were the longer-term answers, but the short-term solutions were the ones that got me through those tough days stuck indoors.

Less booze, contacting family regularly, talking about thoughts and feelings, writing a diary of achievement, not burying myself in a phone or IPad, weekly cleaning of the house from top to bottom, cooking new recipes, keeping off the news and social media, planning strict daily routines. These were just some of the tools I used to help myself.

If you can, find a focus, something very distracting, everyone is different - it just so happens that my distraction was dog-sitting my mother-in-laws dog every weekend. Others I’ve heard are teaching yourself to juggle, using an exercise bike…. why not try writing a blog about your experience! 👀

Don’t video yourself crying and plaster it over Twitter and Facebook!

Yes, you may feel this is tailored to someone with a mental health condition but I urge you all to consider the principals and methods listed above on those long weeks ahead stuck indoors. These are stressful times which may last the best part of the year. Don’t sit on your phone, beer in hand updating yourself on the hourly COVID-19 cases.

The Front Door Will Open Again

My world caved in around me, but I came out of it stronger and more determined. After the worst time of my life I got back to work, got married to the love of my life and got abroad for the first time in 6 years. Like the doors reopened in my life, they will also for all of you.

The first time I took my now wife out for a meal after a near 6 weeks stuck indoors it was one of the most  liberating, relieving and wonderful moments of my life. Liked a caged bird released back into the wild, albeit the food was shite. This country will throw one amazing reopening party.

We’re in the process of being shut away whilst the world figures out its battle plan against this pandemic each of us are faced with. It’s going to be tough but make sure you’re about on the day the front door opens again.

Just stop in, look after yourself and others, and you’ll come out the other end of it a stronger person for the experience.

Tom

A Pillar To Post

Inter-Continental Concerns

First and foremost, I'd like to thank both Thomas and Tom for sticking their necks out and being the first to feature as guest writers on my blog. A sign that, if nowt else, it's helping people to get shit off their chest. Two lads who are very sociable and at times very stubborn, so to see their take on staying at home says something about the severity of this current situation.

So like a vulture of vernacular, now it's my turn to pick apart the words that they have spoken...

To cut to the chase - I agree with the lads. Wherever possible, stay in. It's as simple as that! Besides, I might get more views of me blog... 😜

Joking aside, as the situation has escalated across the planet, it has given cause for me to reconsider a somewhat blasé opinion on the virus, that you may have felt featured in the last edition (if you read it!), but this blog isn't to tell you what's reet, it's to tell you my take at a cross-section in time. Just like the evolution of man, opinions evolve too - if you have an open mind.

From "A Take From A Fellow Taty" there were two pieces which really struck home with me. The first I'd like to address is from Tom's piece:

"A war was brewing between Pub Remainers and Pub Leavers"

An absolutely perfect analogy for a country left on its arse divided, fractured and shattered like the upstairs window from me hoose had I dropped it a fortneet ago.

I've said for a short time now to friends an family alike, that there's never any grey anymore, apart from in the skies around the toon. Everything is Black and White - you'd think I'd like that. Life isn't that simple man. Everything is polarised. Are you a left-wing snowflake or a right wing fascist? Are you in or are yi oot? Are you flappin' aboot buying every last square of semi-permeable material in an arse-wipe contest or ignoring everything that's gannin on like a gonk?

The reality is, the pub leavers need to settle down (slightly) and the (pub) remainers need to drag their arse home. We need to work together (albeit apart), just like we do following Brexit and at the polling stations. Hopefully, we can learn that by the time the next election happens.

And as for Thomas' piece:

"These times are unprecedented, and yet I can’t help but hate those able to work from home and continue to get paid, or those who don’t have to work but'll still get paid. They’ll be fine, completely unscathed, whereas all I can see now is destruction."

Now, in this day in age everyone loves to be offended, so naturally, my intuition was telling me to tell him he was a prick for thinking that, especially being one of those home-workers. Maybe, you -the reader, felt the same as I did? But really, it's perfectly understandable isn't it? When everything around you is put into a state of insecurity, the first thing you do is look to the injustice, and knowing Thomas and how hard he grafts I can see why this has taken his dual-steered-driving-instructor car and driven him to a cliff edge.

Don't judge a book by its cover, Thomas doesn't hate me. He doesn't hate you if you're in a similar predicament to what I am, but he does hate the imbalance that has been generated through a series of unassertive addresses from 'our' chosen leader. I know that from multiple conversations I've had with him.

For weeks the situation has developed in China, and then Italy, and Spain, and across the planet. There have been opportunities to watch and learn, and opportunities to implement preventative measures early. Whether or not they'd have been listened to is anyone's guess like. I'll be honest, I played football once this last week and had a couple of pints in an empty pub with 3 friends.  I have been to the shops once or twice for odds and sods and to the mothers' to help with some jobs. I think that'll be me now though. No doubt some will say too late - but you can only do what you feel is right. Time will tell.

So to a degree there is some hypocrisy, I've also lacked assertion like Boris has, like management at my work has and like half of the general public have. I've substituted the flippant Thomas from Southampton and now it's half time, we're both sat on the bench - 2 metres apart, ready for the second half of a shite match. Yet, I have the security of knowing that I'll have a contract at full time, he has to chance his hands at his societal team winning for his contract extension. How can that be fair? He's no worse a 'player' than I am in the game of life.

That's why it's imperative that our governmental leaders get around a table and thrash out every single last penny they can reasonably attribute to back their tax payers. That being said, it's easy for you or I, we see the blacks and whites of each political debate, we choose the Whites that reflect the most light back to us. Politicians have to sift through the grey and take the risks they feel they've calculated (or not...!). A postponement to mortgage payments is a great start, a short term fix for all home owners, so what about tenants? (Not the beer you radge packets!) Will landlords be forced to share such charity (for love of a better word)? Then that brings us to utility bills? Phone bills? Sky...okay I'll stop at Sky -(some of yi will kna why... 😝)

For me, I'd like to think the relative wealth over the coming weeks needs to be shared and fairly distributed. Like nature has given us a viral Robin Hood, taking back from the rich to give back to us poor folk. Together, we are stronger and we can re-invest in the rebuilding of our economy and ultimately our lives. A good way to start (in my opinion) is by drawing the lines in the sand:

- Are you at risk (health)?

- Are you a pivotal worker to the more general society, such as those in the emergency services?

- Are you pregnant or a parent?

and

- Are you at risk (financially)?

These are questions that can be answered with relative ease.

The next step proves a little more difficult, in fact a lot more. Stage out what can be afforded to the population per capita and then the percentile value to which people of varying wealths will require financial assistance. For example, let's say £3k could be afforded to each household. If you're a multi millionaire and have no risk of hitting the breadline, you get 0%, if you're one of the vast majority of society, who need to work to live, you get say 50% and upwards (£1.5k). I'd like to think that'd be the sensible approach, but that's maybe too socialist for some.

Which brings me to a tweet I seen the other day from former Republican Scott Walker who poked fun at empty shelves in the supermarket as being something that had derived from socialism. Because capitalism has proven to be the ideological utopia in recent weeks hasn't it? Bell-end.

I just hope that the powers that be (in the UK) start to truly flex their authority and in a correct and measured way, as has been done in China and across Europe. Thankfully, China seem to be almost through the virus and have taken counter-measures to ensure the safety of millions of people. Interesting really. China is somewhat different to most of the Western world. We often consider it to be strict and restricting it's inhabitants freedoms. Yet, when they're told to do something or face the consequences, by-God they do it.

Whereas both here, and on the continent we cherish our freedom so much that like a bunch of self-entitled bastards we ignore the advice we're given. And despite what the "leader of the free world" might tell you about a "Chinese Virus" buying guns won't stop COVID-19 either. However, like it or not, the majority of us are sheep and should follow (the right!) shepherds.

At which point I'd like to take a break in this piece to offer my condolences and thoughts to those effected by the virus globally, particularly in Italy, where my Girlfriend hails from.

Rimani forte, amici miei.

But ultimately, whilst the country (and the world) remains in uncertainty Thomas has every right to feel (somewhat misplaced) hatred and jealousy towards those perceived to be in for an easy or easier ride, and whilst the pennies potentially dry up, the issue of a virus becomes less daunting. For his own mental health, as he so rightly states, will deteriorate.

I am glad both he and Tom have come forward to discuss their depression and anxiety. It takes balls to do that and as men, more of us have to do that, more, and I admire the courage in doing so.

Knowing Tom a degree better than I know Thomas, I was more aware of the battles he faces with mental health issues, and despite his initial embarrassment to discuss such issues, he fought them with real bravery in the end. Anxiety is difficult for anyone to really understand who hasn't had it. I'd be lying if I said at times I didn't think "for christ sake man what's a matter with yi?!". But what's important is that you're there for one another and listen. As me fatha used to say "2 eyes, 2 ears (big ones if yi me) and one gob. Use them accordingly". That's the best way you can be of assistance to those in need of offloading their problems.

I've been there before when I was working and couldn't pay me bills. For a brief spell like. I was supporting my girlfriend and I in a 2 bedroom flat, whilst she completed her masters at an Italian university from her home in Walker. She worked, but worked her arse off so hard she was starting to struggle with stress and anxiety, bless a. So I decided to take that burden and whilst financial options were there for me, my pride wouldn't allow me to return to my family home. As some of you may know I suffer from migraines, which tend to occur from exhaustion and stress for me. I was grafting all hours but getting migraines on a weekly basis - and I don't mean those pissy headaches like some people think...

I was suffering from a degree of depression and stress, I'd not say it then, but I will now. My Dad dug me out a hole and that's all it took. Now is the time for us all to dig one another out.

Keegan's Corner

Football, Foodbanks and Famine

Time to take you back two decades, to a time when, just like this season - Newcastle United reached the FA Cup quarter final. The game was played little over 20 years ago on February 20th at the packed out Prenton Park stadium. Home to Tranmere Rovers, one of the relative minnows of Merseyside. Nowadays, known to some as league rivals...LOL. But let's not belittle The Super Whites - the fixture proved to be a tight one, given that the gulf in class was somewhere similar to Newcastle and Man City that would have played out yesterday.

Sir Bobby's boys rocked up after successes against Tottenham Hotspur, Sheffield United and Blackburn Rovers in earlier rounds - buoyant, and full of beer - wey, maybe not the players and bairns (such as mesel). The Cow Shed end playing host to around 4k of the Toon Army (if I remember correctly), and that was just the allocated seats!

At just 10 years old, this was to be just another day of football schooling from the 'old guard' and a lesson in what following your football team was all about - friends and fun, by and large. As you can imagine, a sizeable occasion for such a young lad, and with that, comes a bit of haziness in my storytelling, apologies!

We travelled by minibus on this occasion, I seem to recall. A close knit group of us - Dad's and lads, the way football was intended, certainly at this moment in time. The same Dad's and lads that would religiously follow their club through thick and thin to this very moment that I type.

(...and had your horses lasses, I'm not sayin' ye cannot gan or haven't been either 😉 ...)

...but we got there and the Dad's took us to the ground, where a buzz of expectancy oozed from the away following. Canny empty it was, certainly when we first went through the turnstiles and trotted off to our seats, where we weren't to sit. The buzz became bolstered by more beer guzzling fanatics, the cries for the Toon got louder, just as the tannoy did. The Cow Shed end became full and just as one song finished in the stands, it did on the speaker system and a deep, melodic thud come rolling from the back of the stands as Queen began to sound across the stadium. Now it was game on!

As many who read this will have experienced, there's something somewhat tribal about a football away day. Thankfully, not so tribal as it maybe was in the eightees, but back then in the naughties a healthy version still existed and this feeling of belonging that I mentioned in the last edition, infested my brain further in this moment. That's right, you guessed it - Four thousand people chanting "We will, we will, fuck you!". Bellowing out from the stands as the locals all turned in awe of the thunderous roar. A tad intimidating maybe, you'd have to ask one of them...

Yet, just as the Toon had turned up the heat, they then turned to good humour in the songs that followed. You can imagine, all of the usual claps and chants, but sporadically, a new one hit their songbook as the away end began chants of "Sing in The Cow Shed...Mooooooo".

And following the hilarity that this developed, the game begun. Newcastle generally dominated in a team that had Dabizas, Domi and Dyer, not to mention a world class shot stopper in Shay Given, the solidarity of the late Gary Speed and a certain Mr Shearer up top.

Newcastle went 2-0 up through Speed and then Domi, before Wayne Allison pulled a goal back on the stroke of half time. Yet, the decisive goal was to come from Drunken Duncan (Ferguson), in a win where Newcastle ran out 3-2 winners despite a valiant effort from The Rovers that had them hurtling balls into the box relentlessly through Dave Challinors throw-ins. (For the sake of tying up loose ends it was Jones who got the second for Tranmere.)

The game ended, but the fun didn't as we partied in the away end, a moment that The Evening Chronicle thankfully captured for this lad and his Dad, as we became the front page photo with our good friend Jonny:

Now I guess you're wondering what the relevance to this story is, and I'm not ganna lie, the links are pretty piss-poor, but there are two. Firstly, I had scheduled this piece prior to the outbreak of COVID-19 and by this time I had hoped to be in a cup semi-final, hopefully against Chelsea to return the favour from that season, and at Wembley. However, as we're all too aware, that isn't to be, or not yet at least.

The other link is that this game took place on Merseyside. Now Merseyside, for many a year has been taunted by away followings. For those who haven't experienced it, fans would often go their to sing "Sign on, sign on..." and also "In your Liverpool slums...". Hell, I've done it myself on numerous occasions and it seemed funny at the time, but as you grow older and as you understand the socio-economics of your own town and country, you fast come to the realisation that actually;

a) We're in no position to do so and

b) It's actually not that funny anyways.

Now, undoubtedly, there are those who'll live there, just as there are that live here, that are absolute doylems, who want to contribute nowt but take everything. So, to be frank, I say tough shit to them - get your arse up and do something. However, I believe they are in the vast, vast minority.

A lack of working opportunity leads to a lack of money, and a lack of money leads to a lack of well-being, and in some cases homelessness and famine. Liverpool has suffered from this heavily in years gone by, as has the North East of England and other parts of the United Kingdom. It's shocking really, that in such a powerhouse of a nation, with a currency so strong, we can have such a high dependency on charitable contributions and my next focal point which is food banks.

Football represents and relies on the community, just as the community relies on football. In Newcastle upon Tyne, we play host to Britain's biggest food bank, and whilst that would seem impressive, it is equally as concerning that in my beloved home town, the fantastic efforts of those involved, and the charitable donations of the general public are relied upon so heavily.

The West End Food Bank, formed in March 2013 now provide food parcels that feed over 30,000 people annually, and every match day, come rain, sleet or snow, this team of dedicated volunteers from the West End (NUFC) Food Bank are out there doing their bit. Stationed by St James' Park's Gallowgate End, on the paved area opposite, a small gazebo and desks are situated every single match day. Using the tag #GenerousGeordies on their social network handles, they are able to whip up, and pay homage to the support that they receive from both the Newcastle United support and the football club itself.

With the assistance of other local groups such as Toon Aid and Northern Cultural Projects, The West End Food Bank now have a pop-up facility in Eldon Garden in the heart of Newcastle, which emerged just before Christmas with flags and images on display from local football fanatics Wor Flags. In addition to this, merchandise has been provided as an incentive for charitable contributions and to hopefully pull people to the facility. Yet, without the time and dedication from volunteers, this pop up facility wouldn't even be available.

(image courtesy of the Evening Chronicle)

Such food banks now appear at many football stadiums around the country, particularly on Merseyside - where a real sense of community spirit has developed, in a similar fashion to how the Scousers did around JFT96. And in a similar fashion, when clubs from around the country meet in the football, and have similar charity groups, they unite to provide one strong message "#HungerDoesntWearClubColours".

Football fans often donate hundreds, if not thousands each match day and this is gratefully received (of course). However, as an outsider - it does make you wonder how football can be so heavily financed and yet food banks like this still exist. Furthermore, I do ask myself if just like the football clubs themselves, are we doing enough? I know I'm probably not. For example, if everyone who attended St James' on a match day gave just a quid, that'd probably feed every homeless, or poverty stricken family on Tyneside for a month (at least) - I mean I'm guessing like, but it's something like that...

...and with the Corona Virus yet to peak and the country being forced into further lock down, it is inevitable that further will fall closer to the breadline. As the football season has been halted until the beginning of May - there is little opportunity for the food bank to utilise match day as a source for money and there are more likely to require their support.

It really brings it home that any single one of us (from a 'usual' / 'normal' background) could be affected now, depending on how safe our jobs are. It is also, therefore, the likes of myself who are being paid (for now) for working from home that should share a degree of social obligation to help those in need. So if you have a quid or two to spare, or if you panic-bought a shit-tonne of beans and bog roll in a frenzy then feel free to contact them and/or donate here:

Donate to West End Food Bank

Finally...

...As you may have noticed, I like to finish on a somewhat philosophical, poignant or positive piece and in this edition I intend for it to be no different.

You're probably aal sick of my waffle for this edition to be fair, if I hadn't been self-isolating I think I'd be sick of me 'n' aal 'nd in the pub. However, I'll try to round off (fairly) shortly and sweetly...

This weekend has taught me a small lesson, as someone who likes being oot 'n' aboot. Whilst it isn't the same as socialising in person with your pals, you can do it with relative ease from your own home. Aal you need is a smart phone, tablet, or laptop and the reet app's and a bit of initiative and innovation. Last neet we had a "pub quiz" with drinks, banter and people cheating on Google. The night before, we had post-work pints with our pals and good ladies. Think ootside the box, think inside it, dust down the board games, chat with your family and friends - write a shite blog - ha!

More importantly, the more you find ways to help your physical and mental well being from the comforts of your own home, the more you assist an NHS that is on it's knees, deein' aal it can to overcome a virus that hasn't yet peaked (amongst numerous other illnesses and ailments).

This is a health service that was once the greatest in the world. If anything ever makes you proud to be British, it's not taking the piss singing "COVID-19" from a pool in Benidorm like a complete tit, it's this institution.

So at least give the respect to those giving up their time and their well being. They deserve your help. You owe them it. Be sensible, be safe, and...

Good night...ha!

Ciao for now 😉

#3 - Sickness, Soccer(?) and Sangria

Ah gan on then...I kna you're sick of hearing about it, but it has to be doesn't it?

A Pillar To Post

COVID19

It's been 2 weeks since my last blog post, and I suspect this one won't be any better - not by a long shot. I haven't dragged my arse back to the PC to educate myself on world matters or stumbled across a spark to ignite discussion for a while, so it looks like this is the best I can come up with, sorry.

So, over the course of the last fortnight, (that's two weeks kids, not a shoot-em-up!), the deadly virus has now reached a status of global pandemic, with instances of the virus being detected worldwide.

So, what is it?

COVID-19 is a new strand of respiratory virus, meaning it predominantly affects your lungs and airways. This is of particular importance to those whom already suffer from respiratory illnesses.

Where did it come from?

It is said to have originated in Wuhan, China where they have "wet markets" - a source for locals to do their food shop, buying and selling fish and birds in the main. However, it is believed that bats may have been the true source of the virus, despite remaining unconfirmed.

What are the symptoms?

Those infected are said to experience flu-like symptoms, with reports of fevers and high-temperatures being mentioned, along with coughs and a shortness of breath. However, in more extreme cases, this has lead to pneumonia and even kidney failure.

How does it spread?

It is assumed that coughs, sneezes and close contact with infected parties are the main methods of transport for the virus.

With that in mind, below is an image detailing the head count and reach of the virus thus far:

*The details (and image) provided above are extracted from numerous sites, such as Bloomberg, The Telegraph, NHS and the European Centre for Disease Prevention and Control.*

It is undoubtedly a cause for concern with the virus claiming an estimated 20-30 times the amount of lives that seasonal influenza does (source: www.ecdc.europa.eu).

Yet, to put things in perspective - the population of human life on the planet is estimated to be approximately 7.7 billion people. So, the percentage of cases (at time of writing) is currently at 0.0013%, leaving deaths at a mere 0.00004% and it's kinda felt like across the planet your average punter is being thrown into a state of frenzy by the media and government officials alike.

It's one thing to expect an element of survival of the fittest, people clambering to get their supplies and beat the rush. After all, "nice guys finish last", but the pandemonium that has been generated all seems a bit much and in some cases unnecessary.

I mean - at work, we're getting daily updates, reminders, tasks and tests. It's almost as if people are championing the virus as an opportunity to demonstrate their supposed importance, rather than doing their actual job. I never thought people would need constant reminders to wash their hands properly or cover their face when coughing or sneezing...then I visited the gents toilets and realised that absolute scruffs are amongst us. So maybe all the bluster and panic is required...

(That's not to say those unfortunate enough to have or have had the virus are by the way...)

Personally, I've ignored all of the reporting of the virus until writing this blog, and I'm arguably daft to have done so. It's almost been a case of ignorant is bliss, but as the virus has drawn closer, so has reality. Irrespective of whether you have friends or family in the affected areas, you should care for your fellow man (or woman) - that'd be the right thing to do. I guess it's not that people don't care, it's just that they don't pay attention until it hits a form of home.

So, I guess this is a load of waffle, just me expressing some thoughts. Nonetheless, all that being said...

QUICK - TO THE SHOPS! WE NEED BEANS AND SANITISER...

...AND LOTS OF IT!!! 

Keegan's Corner

Closed Doors?

In my disorganised attempts to bring some fairly regular content to your digital screens, this editions "Keegan's Corner" article has came after some deliberation, and the need to plan out what I publish has become apparent.

Edition 3 and the wheels are coming off, perhaps before they were even put on. Meeeh - whatever.

Discussion this weekend started to develop around the increasing threat of COVID19 and whether the English FA should follow that of the Italian FA, and enforce games to be played behind closed doors. A discussion that stirred mixed opinion across the footballing nation. A sensible solution to prevent the increasing, pandemic pandemonium it would seem, and yet, fans flocked to social media to discuss their discontent of potentially missing a match (or two). I guess to the non-sports-fan this would appear ludicrous, but hopefully I can shed some light on why it isn't.

To my eyes - sport, now - more than ever, has become an entertainment business, and this entertainment business has global reach to a worldwide audience. The Premier League possibly pipping everything else to the post. With the Middle-East, Asia and North America all arriving to the party late - boosting viewing figures to levels never seen before. The appetite for televised fixtures is on a whole new scale.

Gone are the days of a standard, Saturday - 3 O'clock and meeting your pals at midday in a designated bar, predefined from the previous match day. Aye, I'm only 30, but I too remember those, despite only being a bairn at the time. Out with the old - football violence, tribalism, gruesome grounds and pissy concourses and in with the new - sanitised atmospheres in all-seated stadia with some arse hole videoing their every reaction to dickheads like Dele Alli.

Media truly has taken a hold.

Me - I'm a sportsman. A shite one, but a sportsman. Match day to me is about the camaraderie, the sense of belonging, the pride in your city - as Sir Bobby so famously quoted. It's about your club giving it their all to be the best they can be, and being (hopefully) better than their opposition. "My city's better than yours"  may seem a little 'playground', but well...it is. I'm from Newcastle upon Tyne. Accept it.

I digress...

The point being, it's about winning. It's about being the best. It's not about who has more expected goals or 82% possession. It's about who comes out victorious over 90minutes. It's nee good wielding a sword in battle for 82% of the time if yours heeds been cut off is it?!

This, in my opinion, is a feeling lost on those who follow the fashionable football entertainment business and not the footballing competition.

Were games to be played behind closed doors, then a fresh opportunity for powerhouses such as Sky, Amazon and BT would come to the fore. Match day's being "saved" by the increasingly present television screens and transferring additional power to the man with the remote, not the man with cold feet and a bovril. You can forgive fans for having this assumption, given the fluidity of the fixture list that is already instilled in the Premier League. Or maybe, I'm looking into this too much, and they just don't want their season drawn short. For many, it's a day out, a chance to socialise, a time to release all of the tensions from the past 10 to 14 days.

If every game were to become televised or (legally) accessable, I think it's fair to say attendances would dwindle, and with that, so would the quality of "entertainment" being provided. That's why ticket pricing and the quality of the match day experience now require more focus than ever - a piece for another time. With less quality, comes less subscriptions, and with less subscriptions comes the start of the end, and who'd be left? That's right - the fans, to rebuild the game from the ashes.

So, I think I best come back a step - we're aal ganna get the lurgy, or so we're led to believe. Are you arsed where you get it??

There are those amongst the (football) fan base that'd have you believe going to match poses as much risk (if not less) as getting the London Underground, or going to work. There may be some validity in this, but going about your usual day is somewhat necessity. Keeping the economy alive, education in full flow and food on peoples tables does not surpass our need for sport. It doesn't make you any more of a fan.

You require money. Money to watch your football, money to buy your beers that you drink whilst you discuss your football, money to buy the replica shirt you're gonna slop your beer down when you watch your sport implode on Sky (ha!).

The reality is, that the games should simply be delayed and remain in the hands of the match goer.

Finally...

....on a lighter note, unlike the last edition where I wrote something profound and educated, offering food for thought, this time I will offer thought for food.

In times when talk of COVID19 is rife, you'd normally consider that going out in public for a meal and some beers might be questionable. Yet, with tasty tapas and sangria on the menu, I cannot afford to worry about the Corona Virus or having the Coors Shites...

Until next time (if there is one 👀), stay safe and...

Ciao for now ;)