#21 - Faith and Humanity

A Pillar To Post

Image courtesy of Euronews

No, it's not a mistake - I know - normally it's "faith in humanity", but at present it feels like that's been flushed into an ever-growing ocean of discontent. A planet that's warming at a rate of knots, and where the cooling ice no longer serves as a buffer to humanities mistakes.

Believe it or not, this isn't a piece on global warming. Sorry Sir David.

But funnily enough, for those of you who've watched his latest piece on Netflix, Mr Attenborough - whom the vast majority of the country treasure, lays it out for us all to see. 

This planet is everyone's problem.

Image courtesy of Popbuzz

So whilst we cringe and cry as polar bears drown in baron iceless lands and walruses topple from overpopulated cliff edges, maybe we should not just look at how we pollute the planet with our use of greenhouse gases and non-renewable energy sources, but also how we pollute the world with divisiveness and hatred.

No, this is my tree to hug - leave me alone whilst I continue.

So where do I start? After all, there's a lot to cover...

Ironically, I'll start by being divisive - and with the press conference announcing details of the second UK lockdown. I'm a hypocrite, I kna, but aren't we all? The difference being, that this hypocrisy isn't dangerous. The Ramblings of a Madman on an online blog, adding to the 'fake news', the mainstream media and the echo chambers of social media. Even still, I sit here typing with my hair brushed, ready to address my audience, and (this time!), on time and not late to the presentation.

An obligation not afforded by 'our' very own 'leader'.

Now, I'm not the type to bring you all the facts and figures, frankly because I cannot be arsed to forage through the frantic world of information, but what I will give you is an opinion.

I've worked in half-a-dozen office based jobs, and not once through my professional career have I ever considered turning up late to my own meeting, looking a mess and with a presentation that hasn't been sense-checked. Yet, somehow, this is acceptable for the leaders of our nation. To elaborate:

1) Boris' hair was a mess (as always!)

2) It started later than later than late it was that late

3) The slide show didn't fit the screen being presented on

4) Said slide show couldn't be progressed without saying "next slide"

5) The analysis of the data claimed the North-East was plateauing rather than dropping

6) The North-East was used both separately and with Yorkshire on separate slides, before Yorkshire somehow made an alliance with Humberside on subsequent slides

Image courtesy of the Shields Gazette

Now this may be a mixture of major and minor issues, or maybe you consider them all to be minor (issues), but what I see is a lack of professionalism and reliability, which leads me to question the validity and indeed the level of respect. And these are just the things I seen whilst having a shave!

A microcosm of the issues under this political regime: Ever-changing goal posts, lack of clarity and the constant murmurings of absolute waffle as our supposedly lovable BoJo remains consistent in one thing - playing our inept bozo.

His failure to address the short-Cummings of his right hand man (😏), were probably the pivotal point in this whole charade - one rule for some and another rule for others. And so the whirlwind of discontent began, and now continues, slowly gathering pace as it unwinds this, the most un-governing of governments.

Johnson could have reached a mutual agreement in that very instance, behind closed doors and had his counterpart resign, saving face for not only the man in question but also his party. Instead, he opted to back him and offered the nation a chance to distrust both him and his party.

So as £10billion is rumoured to be put aside for track and trace systems and applications that seemingly don't work as planned, and small businesses continue to be sealed shut for the foreseeable, you tell me why Ben from Barnsley, Mohamed from the Midlands or Lakeesha from Liverpool should listen to the latest legislation from this lot of arseholes? Whilst their (theoretical) small businesses go under and the muddied waters of "who can do what" continue to wash over an uneven playing field.

How apt to be writing this on a Sunday morning...

I figured Boris would focus on the economic elements of the virus and Corbyn on the health and welfare side, but surprisingly the fence-sitting that Johnson accused Jezza of on Brexit, is the exact inaction that Johnson has taken on COVID. However, one thing I've maintained throughout this absolute shit-show, is that we don't know what our alternative leadership would have brought. We don't know about the production of masks, the full constraints on the NHS, or many of us - what we would have done.

Of course we can all now have our say in retrospect - but hindsight is a wonderful thing.

What has happened, is that the pendulum of COVID has now swung back in favour of healthcare, but I suspect only temporarily, especially as the likes of Andy Burnham question what financial care package will be provided to Greater Manchester.

Oh what a horrible man, trying to look after his people!

Seriously though, what do people expect?! If Johnson is going to look after his own, why shouldn't we all?!

If a shepherd is directionless then so will his sheep be, despite what the sheep dogs of control try to enforce. Subsequently, the country continues to stumble and tumble towards the next hurdle. Inevitably, for most this is a financial one. A matter of where will my next pay cheque come from, or my latest universal credit?

In rolls "The Great Debait" (😏) with Marcus Rashford and hungry school kids.

Image courtesy of The Guardian

In a time when footballers are so heavily criticised for their responsibility (or lack of) towards being a good role-model for bairns, who can possibly deny Mr Rashford of being just that. Sure, his wages alone would feed many-a-bairn, but that is ultimately not the right, long-term solution. Mind, nor is supplying people with a free ticket out, where they don't deserve it.

However, who's to blame? Not the kids - surely!

Free, or funded school meals should definitely be provided to those bairns that need it. They should be managed by the education system, and should ensure that they can continue to teach motivated pupils, paving them a path to a better life. Likewise, food banks and/or local businesses should continue to assist the surging amount of families that have no other option. After all, who knows when those currently more privileged may fall upon the same desperate needs.

On the other hand, what we must be weary of is the minority of arseholes that get this universal credit and spend it on their own tabs, drink or drugs instead of their prime responsibilities. Why should smack head Ted who's never contributed fuck all get a free meal before jobless Jim who's spent his whole life contributing to a somewhat socialist system of taxation?

Funny though isn't it - how this is the discussion point and not the billionaire owners of big business whom avoid fair and representative taxation?

Nonetheless, the subject of poverty and economic downturn is an increasingly alarming one. We all know what happens in times of economic downturn, and when someone like Donald Trump is likely (in my opinion) to be re-elected as the leader of the "free world", it only suggests to me that a large scale war is potentially around the corner.

Just look at how the states teeter on the brink of civil war, as cities have been set alight and communities are at odds with one another. The American states are all but United. Likewise, our neighbours across a smaller pond in France face a similar issue. How long before we all face our last supper? Oh no - I went there - Christian extremists may behead me...

But no, that's alright...

How can it be right, that to make fun of, lets say, the Ginger, White man, the Heterosexual or Jesus is any less offensive than anything else? I see joke accounts about much of the Christian faith on social media and it's all taken in good spirit. If you don't like it, don't read it. It's not intended to be offensive it's simply poking fun.

Yet do that about Muhammad and risk being headless?!

It's time we distinguish what is intentionally offensive like calling someone a "disgusting White, honky bastard" and what is just nullifying our most obvious, inherent and cultural differences to all appreciate one another, and therefore I pose this question:

Where has the humility gone?

Despite this, don't kid yourself into thinking these cowardly little fuckwits beheading Teachers and shooting Priests are anything like the typical Muslim, or foreigner. Just like Western, White and Christian terrorist groups like the KKK have previously been, (and still are to this day), these individuals are evil, just like Hitler. They aren't men of faith. There are many good Muslims who've come from foreign lands to reap the benefits of the Western lifestyle; a freedom of speech, a democracy, a melting pot of culture and diversity, just like there are many that remain across the planet.

Yet, like it or loathe it, a lot of Europe and the West are predominantly White, Christian countries. This in itself does not matter. However, the traditions and cultures of said nations do. If you decide to make a new life in these places, then you must respect their way of life. Especially, if you can live your own lifestyle without significant adversity.

Evidently you have moved there for a reason, presumably to improve your lifestyle?

If you don't like it, fuck off to where you believe your culture is the norm - if that is somewhere where beheading people that disagree with you is 'normal', then I suspect you'll find it hard to find a place to call 'home'.

Just to further emphasise this point - would I, for example, turn up in North Africa or the Middle East demanding copious amounts of Brown Ale, scantily clad women and a bacon sandwich? No. That's not their way of life. If I moved there it must have appealed to me to do so, and therefore why would I demand its foundations be substantially changed?!

For saveloy dips' sake - I'll stick to where I'm happy in the Toon.

Joking aside - the golden rule is simple - respect one another and their cultures. 

And finally...

Maybe we should pause for a moment and consider just how diverse our societies really are, and how we should celebrate that, despite how they were built, they are now better as a result?

There is always room to continually improve, but let's do so through well-humoured discussion.

And so to bring this whole rant full circle, perhaps the greatest human mistake of all is that we, collectively - as a species, appear to react to the negative changes rather than proactively prevent the shit storm from happening in the first place.

Maybe it's time we re-think things like capitalism?

Open up and embrace one another and our environment, or we will simply remain like the other animals and will likely face our own extinction.

Image courtesy of Think Bilingual Austin

Ciao for now...😉

#20 - #BoycottGW5

 Keegan's Corner

Edition 20 and a similar drum being banged in this edition of The RoaM.

By now, those of you whom are regular readers will be all too aware of my stance on modern football, and my perception of the poisonous influence of TV within the game. So this time I'll keep it short and snappy.

There'll be no Geordie dialect as a running theme throughout this edition.

This time there needs to be absolute clarity. Our game has been... 

As fans of Club Africain in Tunisia, so aptly displayed in their friendly match with Paris Saint Germain.

Without banging on about club ownership and the conflict of interests at my beloved Newcastle United though, this time I need to delve into the persistent poisoning of the 'beautiful game'.

In recent days, the Premier League and their sponsors/broadcasting partners announced the introduction of a £14.95 Pay-Per-View service that would see fans paying for individual "non-televised" matches on top of their standard subscription service, as if that wasn't enough of a rip off in itself!

Why is it, that the cash injection from fans must come via those same very TV broadcasters that are f£$£$£$ them over and filter down?! I don't support Sky, nor do I support BT and certainly not them knob-ends at beIN. Yet, these are the companies who seemingly dictate our game. Not the fans, communities or their respective clubs?

Football is made up from those communities, from the ground up, like any good structure.

Why are fans of a club like my own (Newcastle United) still paying for season ticket subscriptions, and not being refunded, despite not being capable of attending fixtures due to COVID restrictions? Yet, they're expected to pay an average of £75 per month for the Sky subscription, plus an additional £14.95 for their PPV fixture?!

It's absolutely disgusting.

These clubs should be offering streams to their match-ticket-buyers privately. Reinvesting ticket sales into their own clubs who they wish to financially and physically support, not feeding off the eventual scraps dished down from FIFA, The FA or the Premier League. It's no wonder that the game is contracting with clubs going bust left, right and centre at a lower level. It's long down the road of becoming an elitist, self-serving entertainment business and not as we all knew it, a sport.

Just look at the clubs during COVID, furloughing Joe Blogg on his 20k a year contract for working shite hours at a weekend to sell the clubs' globalised tat. Where badges are no longer embroidered and instead mounted on a shit white patch and slapped on like some sort of generic boy-scout badge. It's alright though, at least we can sign Player X for £20million on a £50k/week contract.

Don't let the bougie bastards at the top dupe you into thinking your loyalty to your club is evidenced by a TV subscription. It's not. It's evidenced by those colours you wear, your loyalty to your home or your loyalty to a notion of how that club best represents you.

Irrespective of whether there is a U-Turn following the backlash of fans across social and mainstream media, it's time fans unite and lay down their colours to really ensure the governing bodies feel the wrath of the collective consumer.

I know - I f£$£$£$ hate that term too.

But that's how we're viewed and that's where we are at. From shit kick off times to increasing match ticket prices that are only now starting to be capped. From Joe Blogg being furloughed to Player X getting in his Ferrari. This is the leeches at the top sucking the lifeblood from football, and it's only the likes of you (the reader) and I (the writer) that are being robbed.

It's time to say "enough is enough" and fight back.

Make a start - #BoycottGW5

Ciao for now 👊

#19 - Gone Too VAR

Chris Heron · #19 - Gone Too VAR

Keegan's Corner

There's not too many topics of conversation nowadays like, or maybe av not been diggin' enough...

So aye, it looks like this time al be discussin' the current use of Video Assistant Referees (or VAR).

It's fairly shite - or it is at present anyways.

You thought that was it, didn't yi? Of course not, cause it wouldn't be The Ramblings of a Madman if a didn't add some waffle to tell you why...

So last weekend seen Manchester City - a side who've ironically and arguably benefitted the most from the very influences I'm aboot to discuss - tanked 5-2 on their own turf by an ambitious Leicester side that propelled itself to the Premier League title in the 2015/2016 season. That may seem a long shot ago, but the remnants of that season are still seeing Leicester be a canny formidable side, ran with cautious optimism and a seemingly solid business plan. The romance of that season is what has previously defined the 'Beautiful Game', and in particular the English game, as many for a long time have considered this to be the best league in the world.

It's aal aboot competitivity, that's the league's key selling point, or it was, and so the relevance of that very match must be pulled into question. "Why?" you may ask, and that's 'cause 3 weak penalties proved the difference in a tie that admittedly Leicester deserved to win.

As a watch back as a centre half, a look at those goals and a think of how the 'defender' was outsmarted, rather than clumsy or perhaps late. That in itself isn't an issue. However, the mentality of the attackin' side was for me, and they (Leicester) are not alone.

Sure, the game is played at a canny auld speed these days, on carpet like pitches with finely tuned athletes, but it wasn't the athleticism, technique or general ability that won them the decisions, it was the willingness to draw and make the most of challenges that 20 years ago would have probably been laughed off. VAR providing the opportunity for any contact to be deemed 'illegal', and subsequently the headlines of the game bein' dominated from the penalty spot rather than the two wonderful goals scored from Leicester City's open play.

A also watched some of the Brighton and Man United game last weekend, and recall one particular instance whereby Brighton entered the Man United penalty area and a witnessed 2 or 3 of their defenders simply stand a yard from the ball, arms tightly held aroond their backs unwilling to stick a foot out for fear of giving a penalty away to Brighton.

How does this allow them to defend? Tacklin' is as much part of the game as scoring is. 

Last season saw 92 penalties given across a 380 game season, an average of 1 in every 4.1 games. Already. this season there have been 20 penalties across 28 games, or a penalty every 1.4 games (according to transfermarkt.co.uk). So you know where to place your bets this weekend lads and lasses!

What's happened in my opinion (obviously!), is that the governin' bodies from within the game have simply bottled it and failed to address the issues of simulation and disrespect within the game. They have instead, turned their attentions to those whom will line their pockets the most and that, ladies and gentleman, is not the match-gannin' fan.

Is it any wonder that fans from all across Europe display messages of discontent towards UEFA?

VAR is ruining the competitivity of not just our league but all leagues. It stems from the game's sellin' of it's soul to the TV, and the need for more goals and more perceived "drama" to appease the armchair fan, and ultimately, subscribers.

To digress for just a moment, I for one disagree with the need for aal games to have been publicly televised and actually think it's a disgrace. How do multi-million pound businesses/football clubs not have the capability to provide 'ticket' buyers with a personalised stream for just them to view, (theoretically, of course)? And why do wu need 10 fixtures at 10 different times? It's aal so those who hold the golden ticket can financially benefit from those fans who are too loyal to not see their respective team play. Then, once the top level of money is creamed off and put into the pockets of those at FIFA, the FA or the Premier League the money is finally filtered down to the clubs that we (the supporters) wish to physically and financially support.

And so to return to VAR, is it any wonder that the Video Assistant Referee has become such a prominent feature? Maybe this is how the likes of the Premier League and beyond repay their wealthy investors? By allowing them to become even more influential and involved in the game - a bold statement, perhaps? But just to be clear - am not suggesting the TV make the refereeing decisions...

What I want to know though, is why players have consistently been allowed to surround the referees and not be disciplined, and have been further empowered by drawing an imaginary TV screen? Why they haven't been told to piss off whilst it is discussed with their captain or face reprimand by way of a bookin'? Even as little as why referees are seen to be walking to players and not the other way around?

Equally as ridiculous, why have we shifted from diving bein' completely unacceptable, to simulation being a key ingredient of the game? I've seen more simulation this time oot than on me last blast of Champ' Man'...

"Respect"? Give owa.

Then those behind a desk somewhere decide to alter the rules of the 'deliberate' handball, addin' multiple stipulations and definitions. If it wasn't for VAR (here's me balanced bit), then ad feel for the referees, a truly would, but thankfully VAR does provide the opportunity for review and possibly redemption - a notion that's also questioned by an interesting article from The Athletic.

Even as a Newcastle fan, a have to say that penalty from last week was an absolute farce. It's nigh on impossible to elevate yoursel' withoot using your arms to overcome the inertia from your standstill position and gain any significant height. Likewise, once the baal has passed and it's beyond yi, how can yi possibly move your arm away from something less than a metre away from yi that yi may not even have awareness of?

Steve Bruce was absolutely correct in his post match interview to caal this oot, especially in an emphatic way when his side were utterly dreadful, and this 'wrong' decision and his goalkeeper were the only two reasons we got owt.

Yet, it does make me wonder if the shoe was on the other foot, just how those in the media would have reacted, as our TV's become overpowered by biased and mediocre pro's, failed football managers and dinosaurs of the game. Maybe people didn't like seeing one of the supposedly 'big' clubs getting a taste of the medicine they will likely benefit from for the most part of the season, as the bottom 12 or so teams frequent such fallacies.

Aal of this withoot even touching upon the slowing down of the game and the moments of sheer brilliance and excitement that fizzle oot to a localised screen, as technology takes the overwhelming joy from each and every fan and each and every goal that is scored.

Goal line technology's a great thing. VAR could be also be a great thing, but it needs dialling back and reapplying for things that the referee hasn't and couldn't have seen.

Ultimately, it's not actually VAR that's the issue but it's the piss-poor devolvement of the rules. At the end of the day, if a wanted to watch and witness games that always finished high scoring ad piss off to watch the basketball. 🏀

Let's go Eagles! (not Palace...)

Ciao for now! 😉

#18 - 20/21 Season Preview

Chris Heron · #18 - 20.21 Season Preview

Keegan's Corner

Now that the joys and relaxation of a fortnight away seem somewhat like a distant memory, and a week in isolation did it's best to dampen me spirits once again, I'm back - this time with more from "Keegan's Corner" after last edition's "Pillar to Post".

Yet after that week of isolation, it was back to relatively usual business. Football with the boys ⚽, food with the Mrs 🍖* and back to work for the usual...wey... 😅

Anyway, I spent the first night of normality at a best pals, after going to watch Dunston UTS play in a well attended, nicely contested, pre-season friendly against Morpeth Town.

The buzz for football was back.

Not only was the buzz finally back, after around 15 months of relative boredom following my own side, but somehow, the game seemed a little like an away day - only a little like...a feeling I've hugely missed for a couple of years now. 

For those that haven't experienced an away day following 'their' club, it's somewhat hard to describe. Maybe it's not for everyone as well? But for me it's those days that live long in the memory. The tribalism, the camaraderie, singing songs for your home town, your city, your people and on the other hand having that feeling and that sense of anxiety, uncertainty and excitement. Ultimately, those days are an adventure into the unknown, wey as long as yi haven't done the place 3 or 4 times like just to get your loyalty points up!

I had hoped to never have had to go to back to Wigan or Blackburn again, but me stance against the ownership of Newcastle United forced me hand. Maybe I miss those places...?

Beers along a different local route, led us to a new ground (for me), and back to 'proper' football. Football, where you have to be willing to tackle, where you shoot on sight (nee tiki-taka nonsense) and where you have to earn the money you're paid. Perhaps it was that lack of glitz and glamour that has helped put things in perspective for is with regards to the potential takeover of the Toon?

For those who regularly read or listen, yi'll kna that I'd happily rant on aboot that absolute farce of a scenario, but I think it's best I simply say it's aboot time that all parties simply stop fucking us about. It's absolutely absurd that governing bodies within the game haven't stepped in at this stage and demanded clarity, deadlines and progress.

This takeover bid has become like the smell of the auld breweries. Yi kna - where it starts lush then it lingers, before you grow sick and just wish it would hurry up and piss off?

And so it's in to the 2020/2021 football season that Sky, BT and beIN will all tell you is eagerly anticipated, but in reality, has never been so unappealing to watch, or at least for neutral fixtures for the average Newcastle United fan. Do we really want to sit and watch the product of those whom many deem to be fucking us over? I think the excuse reason people gave about doing the very same with their match tickets was out of loyalty and dedication to the club - I can, to some degree, understand that, but what is our loyalty to those whom simply broadcast the league? Unless you want to form an orderly beoutQ...?

It's almost impossible to assess our transfer window without addressing the misleading nature of our conduct and the aforementioned takeover. For one, we've spent. Secondly, we've spent similar amounts to what you'd now expect of Premier League sides, and thirdly we seem to be signing players who'd improve us irrespective of their age or sell on value. Is this the club of Mike Ashley's custodianship?

'That' question mark will remain just 'that' for the weeks and months to come, inevitably. As journo's, fanzines and Joe Blogg all continue to speculate. However, all Steve Bruce can do is his very best, as always, and attempt to get the best out of his squad. Irrespective of what you think of him or his players, I think it's fair to say you will always, at least, get that.

Image courtesy of nufc.co.uk

So to start with our Goalkeeping options; I feel we've very, very, slightly bolstered in that department, in that we have added to our numbers (assuming we can recall Woodman if necessary). I'll be honest, I know little of Gillespie, but as a local lad and someone who has had regular match experience in his time at Motherwell, perhaps this is more about paving a way for Darlow / Woodman to permanently leave, and giving us the relevant depth in this position.

I'd assume Darlow in that instance. Nonetheless, for all people may complain, I think the 'Goalkeeper' position has been well addressed by us for a long, long time, many a year now at the Toon and we have nowt to worry aboot here, especially with Dubravka as number one.

image courtesy of the mirror

In defence things are looking positive also. By bringing in Jamal Lewis - a fit, young, left back, probably with good resale value, then he is everything Danny Rose is not, irrespective of whether you look at him through our eyes or Ashley's.

Controversial as it may be, I'd have had Lazaro back in, or an equivalent like. I don't feel he really got a chance, and with him and Lewis flanking a strong, central, defensive 2 (or more than likely - 3) this increased level of athleticism at left and right back would have enabled the team to convert defence into attack with greater intensity.

I believe there has been talk of Lejuene going out on loan in recent days and for me that'd only be a wise move if we keep the remainder of our defence, keep them fit and have a recall option. Lejeune is comfortably our best ball-playing centre half and needs to be in there once he's back up to match fitness. Another rumour was Schar - we cannot allow him to go. Granted he had a poor season last season, but if we're to not bolster central midfield I'm of the view he can do a job there.

Which brings me nicely to the midfield: Once again, positive moves have been made in this department. Hayden signing a new deal just today has to be the most positive news for the midfield, as he will (I hope) continue to be the unsung hero of our side. Keeping the experience and in game shithousery of Shelvey also has to be a plus for someone aiming to achieve what Newcastle United are - mediocrity. An undoubtedly talented individual but without more dynamism in midfield we really are a tale of two sides, rather than one cohesive unit. He needs phasing out by buying a solid box to box midfielder for me.

Image courtesy of nufc.co.uk

Let's consider Hendrick as a direct swap for Bentaleb for now, and finally we have added strength in depth to the flanks with Ryan "the little turd" Fraser 😂 Canny rich that isn't it coming from Jordan, a name synonymous with massive tits.


So now for the focal point of last seasons new, stylish, attacking brand of football. 👀 The forwards...

I kna what you're probably thinking, what aboot Saint-Maximin and Miggy?! Wey they're not really midfielders like are they? Really like, I kna despite spending 99.9% of last season there. I actually rate both quite highly, and think our safety (Heaven forbid😣) will pivot on just how well these are utilised and play. The addition of Wilson should see us pose a much bigger threat, as I believe he is a more natural and suited striker for our current set up. That absolutely has to be seen as a positive move, given 'Centre Forward' is our weakest position. Then Gayle and Carroll are never fit and Joelinton, well...who knows?!

Image courtesy of newsreaderboard

It really is difficult to place a scoring on our transfer window, but given the circumstances, I'll say 7/10 with a view to the fact that it's still open. We kna how that usually gans...

For me, the ball is firmly in Bruce's court now. It's up to him to find the right blend, find how to get the best out of his squad and find a way to give fans something to cheer about. He did better than expected last season, and that saw us finish 13th, 10 points above the drop. If he can achieve better than expected this year, then for me you have to be looking towards 10th and above.

We have to be aiming above 13th this year, even if that means 12th and just being safe sooner - we need to see progression, but my expectancy is that we will finish between 12th and 14th - more than likely, 13th 😂 - but no we're not stagnating. 👀

I was going to do a whole Bruce vs Rafa article but frankly it's pretty bloody tedious isn't it. What I will say though is had we have spent what we have since Rafa left, with Rafa at the helm, I'd have said a minimal of 10th would be my expectancy of next season. We'd have had a better foundation at the club with regards to facilities, the academy and scouting and a better, well drilled squad. 

I don't fancy Bruce to have what it takes to transform the way we play. He's a man manager,and a tryer but just not a tactician or project manager (for love of a better term).

Ultimately, irrespective of all that, I hope he does enough to protect the prospect of a takeover. That's the only, likely way we can truly compete for trophies, cause football is fucked.

So hold on tight for another thrilling season...

Simply the Rest

Finally, with regards to the rest of the league - I fancy it to be a season not too dissimilar to last:

- Around 11 of the leagues' teams will be in a relegation fight, until approximately 28 games in

- Around 7 teams will compete for the European spots

- The top two will consist of the same as last season

I'm glad Leeds are back up, and fancy them to stay up, Sheffield United will get a little found out and I fancy some more of the Southern sides to dip towards increased uncertainty. If only our fans could attend games, and away games at that - taking a sidestep to clubs of Northern Soul✊, that are replacing the broken records of the allegedly Beautiful South...

My prediction:

1. Man City
2. Liverpool
3. Chelsea
4. Man United
5. Wolves
6. Everton
7. Arsenal
8. Leicester
9. Spurs
10. Leeds
11. Southampton
12. Burnley
13. Newcastle
14. Sheffield United
15. Crystal Palace
16. Aston Villa
17. Brighton
18. West Ham
19. West Brom
20. Fulham

But anyways - it all remains to be seen and it will all kick off again tomorrow, with I believe Fulham vs Arsenal. Soooo...don't be too keen to sign up to your Sky's and yi beIN's and all that, if you really want to make a stand - the best way is to do it is by not watching the fuckers (legally).

Anyways...

Ciao for now 😉

#17 - Happy Holidays!

Chris Heron · #17 - Happy Holidays

A Pillar To Post

Aaayyyy - Ciao! Come Stai?

Sto bene, sto bene - grazie!

Whilst this year continues to slide away into nothingness and enlist itself as simply the year of COVID-19 it's not quite Christmas yet. Instead, "Happy Holidays" for both the girlfriend and I represented a much-needed break from the hustle and bustle of business and a chance for us to return to her native land of Italy.

Divvin't worry - there's ganna be loadsa pictures. So if you're a listener rather than a reader - you're ganna have to scroll away...

As is the case for the rest of society - this year's been a very different one, with additional hurdles to what we'd hoped to have, but have had to overcome nonetheless. Yet overcome we have and will. We've experienced redundancy situations at both places of work that have now bypassed, but are likely to re-raise their ugly heads, and the workload has subsequently crept up for both of us throughout the year with projects both at work and at home alike, that have significantly eaten away into the lock down that we've all encountered.

But with rooms painted, a garden that was 90% done, and the man-cave that's now about 75% complete, now was the time to forget about it all, especially work, and focus on Ferragosto, family and friends - and forget we did.

Starting with drinks in our very own "Strawberry Corner" area of our garden on the evening, and then the usual bus (or train) trip to Manchester Airport the next morning, this represented a good opportunity to have my first Greggs in months - it just had to be done didn't it?! Nee steak beak on this occasion though, I went continental with a croissant. Geet posh. Oh and a ham and cheese sandwich for the journey.

As a side note - I'm not sure why there's virtually zero flights direct from Newcastle to Italy given the population in the United Kingdom. However, maybe this is a good thing. One thing about Italy is that it hasn't whored itself out to the likes of British folk who are simply looking for an England with a sun. Instead, it's maintained and protected its traditions and aspects of it's culture.

Marked oot and masked we got on the Megabus and set off on our travels - the masks protecting us from COVID-19 but more importantly any stench of Mackemland or the smog of Middlesbrough. (Sorry my intra-regional readers or listeners...😏)

With nowt of note on the journey there, (except Tanita putting one bell-end in the airport right for questioning my gentlemanly behaviour), off we flew to Pisa for a late evening arrival at the locally based, bed and breakfast of A Casa di Lucia.

Both immaculate and pragmatically placed, and at a perfectly reasonable price - this acted as our overnight base before we began the Italian leg of our journey the next day.

Off we trotted and into the pleasant town centre - not far from the B & B, and up to the sunlit, Arno river - which we'd cross and venture to the storage centre where we dropped our luggage off before heading to the statue of Vittorio Emanuele II - the first king of a united Italy since the 6th century.

Then, to do the obligatory visits of the leaning tower and it's surrounding buildings. All dressed as a character from 'Benidorm' according to one best friend...

Then, a short walk around the city walls and back through the city centre to the riverside and a chance for our first feast of food. A fresh panini and a board of various meats and cheeses, with a midday Birra Moretti and wine to help cool the jets. Delicious...

Well, despite spending 10 minutes shiteing myself about the wasp that had made itself at home.

Back towards the train station and to make the first leg of our Italian journey - a short regional train from Pisa to Firenze (Florence). With only a few hours to kill before our 6 hour train Journey to Lamezia, we sought to tick off a few of the local landmarks - starting with the awe-inspiring Cattedrale di Santa Maria del Fiore.

Moving on, and in to the city centre where we visited the Piazza della Signoria and in particular the Palazzo Vecchio which stands at its centre. Another outstanding building, surrounded by impressive statues and artwork - before visiting the Ponte Vecchio which, admittedly, wasn't quite what I'd expected (maybe i'd mistaken it for another bridge).

We looped back around and to the old market place, where locals would stroke a warthog to gain perceived luck - long before Pumba became popular, and passed the entrance to the old town before returning to the train station with bottled beers and snacks at hand.

Time to pig out 🐷 Pardon the pun.

Our train journey South to the region of Calabria was delayed both at the beginning and throughout despite misconceptions that in Italy "at least Mussolini got the trains running on time", and we arrived in Lamezia at around 11:30pm (around an hour late). However, some solace could be taken in the fact that we'd seen some wonderful countryside on Italy's Western coast and passed some hidden gems along the way - as well as larger cities such as Napoli (Naples) and Roma (Rome) which are maybe for future visits.

United with her family - we were met by Tanita's brother (Loris) and dad (Francesco) and took the journey back to their (original) home town of Serra D'Aeillo - a somewhat typical Calabrese town, that is situated on the hilltops and offers a backdrop to the coastline towns of Campora San Giovanni and Amantea which we'd travel to, and through, on numerous occasions, namely for the beach and for food. It was here that the relaxation would truly start.

For the next 12 night's we'd stay at the home of Tanita's (unfortunately deceased) grandmother, making up for lost time with her mam, dad and brother whom she hadn't seen since Christmas or for around a year. With photo's of all of the family present, and religious ornaments scattered around on the cabinets and walls - this very much had the feel for what I can only assume is a typical Italian home.

Using this as a base which we'd return to for phenomenal feasts of local food, largely cooked by the wonderful Delia (Tanita's mam), we'd travel to beautiful destinations along the Calabrian coastline in our locally rented car - an old Fiat Punto which I'd jokingly described as the 'Silver Bullet'.

Here, Loris and Tanita took up - what we later discovered, was the daunting task of driving. Selfish, impatient and somewhat dangerous, cars glide in and out of traffic and drivers pay no consideration for one another, only how quick they can get to their destination, which often made for interesting travel, occasionally at the expense of Tanita's sanity. The only downside to a fantastic trip. Or it certainly seemed that way - but maybe in England we are simply overly polite? Something which Francesco kindly  mentioned to me as I said "grazie" for each and every thing that happened. 😅

However, this acted as a convenient and worthwhile addition to our trip which allowed us the freedom to go where we wanted and when we wanted, and likewise did the same for Mr Hedgehog (Loris 😂)...

Just one of those places was the coastline town of Scilla, which a castle stood at the top of, at the top of the bay and buildings were buried into the hillside - Scilla offered itself as an ideal holiday hangout, for which we spent around half a day. With English music playing from local bars and Tennants on sale maybe this was more geared to the foreign tourist, but was nonetheless quite the spectacle - as it overlooked the Italian island of Sicilia (Sicily).

It was here that Tanita was stung by a jellyfish - the little bastard. Ironically, a Jellyfish is called Medusa in Italian - as Tanita emerged from the water with a stoney face and snake like hair. 😂 Sorry pet.

The pain and suffering didn't stop there though, with the windy trek back up the bay in the blistering heat being a collective pain that Loris, Delia, Tanita and Zaira (Loris' girlfriend) all suffered, as well as my good self. Then there was a journey home in the persistent Punto, that took a few whips to get up to speed and a stop at the traffic lights which saw one wasp land on Loris and before we could react stung him. A somewhat comedy moment in retrospect - whereby I couldn't understand the commotion, and once I did, shat myself as Loris sat with the wasp on the front of his vest. My instant reaction being to squash the wasp by slamming it with my hand. Obviously not the brightest of ideas. This, before Loris found a tissue, squashed it and passed it to me for me to throw it out the window.

Sorry mate - Wasps aren't my thing!

But if anything was ganna soothe the pains from the heat or the stings it'd be some belter Italian gelato (ice cream). Frankly, it's worth gannin to Italy purely for that. Chocolate and cookie flavour on this occasion. Buonissimo.👌

And on the subject of chocolate - we spent most other days at the beach, at varying destinations such as two of the beaches at nearby Coreca but mainly at the "Golfetto" where Tanita turned a nice chocolatey brown colour by the end of our trip. Whereas I concluded the transition of milk, to gammon steak, to lobster to a medium rare (beef) steak (being generous).😅

It was here that we'd visit almost daily, and meet up with other holiday-makers who were from Serra and now lived around Italy. All of which were returning home for their summer "Ferragosto" break. Some came from Roma, where we'd passed by en route, some from Firenze which we briefly stopped in and Tanita's family which now live near Lago di Garda (Lake Garda).

These folk weren't too dissimilar from those I attend Newcastle matches with. The fratellis (not a band, but a band of brothers), who'd all been friends for pretty much a lifetime.  Just some of the good people of Serra', with their respective wives and families. All of whom made the time and effort to make me feel welcome, offering food and drink and conversation where arm-waving, gesticulating, synonyms or Google Translate would work.

It was these interactions that made me realise, that whilst stereotypes can occasionally have a good basis or foundation, we're all the same, deep down. Who doesn't like good weather, food and company? Oh and football, don't forget sport - the go to subject for most blokes when all else fails.

Which means now I have trips to Empoli, Roma and Milano all to be made...⚽

However, one notable difference and one that didn't come as a surprise was that most social events centred around food, rather than drink as it does in the UK. In our time there not only did we share time with Tanita's family at home for tea, but we shared time with her close and family friends in Amantea, Falerna and in the town square in Serra' - Where I enjoyed them singing local songs whilst I sat itching for a chance to bring them the joys of the Blaydon Races. 😅

Here's the sound recording for anyone who is interested...

Chris Heron · Vid - 20200812 - 224209 - BiADryJOcomp

As yi can imagine, as an Englishman without any prior knowledge of Italian (before meeting Tanita) trying to understand Italian has proven somewhat difficult already, but with the addition of a Calabrese accent it often leads to mass confusion. I guess - who am a to say when we aal taak Geordie. 😆

Near the end of wu trip both Tanita and I took a trip to another hidden gem - Belmonte. With streets that appeared to be fresh out of The Italian Job, winding down the hillside and alcoves and coverings at every turn. We stumbled across a nice little, hidden restaurant where we'd sit by the fresh limes and grapes that were growing and try to "shoo" away the wild cats that were after our delicious food. Finally, we had spent some time just the two of us, and away from speaking Italian (or desperately trying to in my case) - but hey ho, "when in Rome..." 😏

A busy flight schedule would see us return home to blustery winds, despite an excellent landing by the KLM pilot. This comment acting as a desperate attempt to gain discount for our next flight. 😅

So a trip where I'd experienced those living in Rome, experienced their airport and their train station but not Rome itself. Maybe next time, Maximus Decimus...💪

Joking aside - most people can do the touristy sightseeing - whereas both there in Italy and at home - I have the opportunity to experience more than just that.

Undoubtedly, it was a beautiful trip to some beautiful places, and for some beautiful food and drink, but perhaps the most beautiful thing of all was experiencing a 'proper' Italian lifestyle and a culture that strongly puts time with family and friends at it's centre. After all, it is people that create and carry culture and the rest are just time stamps and snapshots...

Ciao for now

😉

#16 - Square One? A Rant...

Keegan's Corner

Tonight I bring you the "Ranting of a Madman", as opposed to the slightly less blasphemous "Ramblings of a Madman". The reason for which, is that news of yet another takeover bid has now fantastically "failed", as we (Newcastle United fans) mostly feared.

That being said, it's just one side who have publicly made that statement and it's the same side that was publicly saying how all was going or going to go to plan...

So here we are, 90% certain it's off now instead of 50/50 (percent). Yet, we find ourselves traipsing through the doldrums of social media to see what the so-called Tom, Dick and Harry's whom are "in the know" say. Guess what, it's still not definitive...

No doubt the much-maligned, self-assigned, martyr of Manchester (United) - Miguel "Shan" Delaney is now pissing himself at the prospect of Champions League football, as one of the many comparative minnows fail in their desperate attempts to do away with their dickhead owner.

No doubt those like Luke Edwards will begin their tirade of how he was right and others were wrong, and how they're idiots for ever thinking any different.

No doubt that come tomorrow morning, each recognisable newspaper (but a few) will be claiming that they knew this would happen and it was the inevitable, or maybe that the Saudi's were rightly dismissed - as the PR arm of Mike Ashley's tedious ownership once again reaches out to touch the eyes and ears of a disenchanted customer base. For this is the only communication he knows - via those whom are willing to perpetuate the myth that we are somewhat delusional for having this twat as our temporary custodian. Just as he did on "that" televised edition some 4 or 5 years ago now.

...and people wonder why I hate them robbing bastards (Sky).

So all aboard the gravy train that feeds the Scudamore's of the 'sporting world' with half a million quid off each team - all going to some prick that's contributed to ruining the beautiful game. Fucking fantastic. All whilst teams aren't willing to put that towards a loan signing or the facilities.

Sky may have saved the game some 30(ish) years ago and put the investment in it that it needed to really make it prosper but it's on the verge of destroying it now. Them and the other benefactors - whilst thousands upon thousands of football fans remain out of pocket and screwed over, travelling hundreds of miles to the arse end of neewhere for a poxy 8th vs 9th relegation battle on a shitty Wednesday neet where you cannot even get hyem.

The league is keen to ensure they have their big 5 or 6 these days (oh how nice it's extended beyond 4 now) and then the other 14 either clutch at straws, get a somewhat unique blend for a season or simply strike lucky for a year to finish top of the relegation fight. What fantastic entertainment! Just tonight I sat with 3 lifelong friends on Zoom - not just of my life, but of my auld mans, and we discussed what match-day now means to us. We don't discuss the line up pre-match anymore, we barely discuss the game after because we're all so fed up of the apathy, and not a joyous song or silence is collectively enjoyed in support of our team anymore. It's all just bland. An expensive obligation that ensures we all see each other.

All the while, we have fucking bell ends like Kieron Dyer (thick as mince), Graeme Souness (bitter auld prick) and the Micah Richards if this world (who obviously hadn't watched us all season) try and tell us their expert advice on what we've watched for a full season, some of us for a lifetime, not just when these fucking charlatans were managing our club, playing for our club, or simply had fuck all to do with us.

So not only is TV killing the beautiful game, it's killing the opportunity for people who want a life in football punditry, commentary or presenting from having an opportunity to speak as they find rather than speak based on their biases towards certain managers, teams or owners. It's always good to have pro's on there, of course it is, but they should be forced to do their homework like anyone else.

Why is this all relevant you may ask?

It's relevant because this...this is the state of the 'beautiful' game now. Fans treat with contempt and at an expensive price.

This brings me to COVID-19 and games behind closed doors. Sure, from my fat arse at hyem watching with crowd sounds was better than not in the end, but watching without - it was interesting to hear the players too. I often find myself shouting instructions that the players are, or should, given my experiences at Sunday League level. Yet, the fake crowd noise was such a distant enjoyment from the sporadic nature of a crowd and how it plays it's role in the 'beautiful game'. So frankly, stick your block- sized banners, your stand-sized signs and coordinated-crowd-noises where the sun doesn't shine. It's just another way to clear the path for long-standing, match-going fans to be fucked about again.

Then finally, on the list of things that I want to whinge and whine aboot is the main trigger for this article - this ridiculous bloody takeover.

If ever there was a silver lining, it's that a murderous regime with a terrible human rights record isn't taking us over. Didn't expect that did ya?

Yet, the distinct feeling of disappointment, of distrust in everyone involved and of being cheated surpasses any of the relief that, that may bring - and that's just touching the surface. As you can probably tell - I'm friggin' furious about the outcome.

So we have 3 sets of pricks in this takeover: One is the prick we know (Ashley), two is the pricks we suspect (the Premier League) and three is the pricks who will satisfy us fannies that are whining on. Yet, if we were to ask Joe "I don't care about football" Blogg they'd tell you the Saudi's are the ones who'd treat you worst. How wrong they'd be in this instance.

We've grown to expect contempt from that fat fuck in charge - I need not list his negligence here (I need to keep my mojo), but to be treat with such contempt by a governing body of the game (albeit not the ultimate one) is nothing short of disgraceful. I'm sure I'm not alone in thinking that the Premier League (whilst adhering to NDA's, etc.) could have comfortably communicated a progress report of where we were at, where we expected to be soon and when. Instead, nothing - in fact, worse than nothing - suggesting that the media and fans alike were after some form of unreasonable and never ending status update and absolute clarity. Believe it or not you absolute fucking moron's, it's the people that feed your product. Football clubs that are supported by fans, fans that buy merchandise, that buy tickets, that buy TV subscriptions and buy from your sponsors. So show some empathy and at least let people understand that you're not just being deceitful or condescending. If you had any bollocks or simply professionalism, you'd have set a deadline and said "this is what needs done" and "this is when it needs to be done by. Comply or fail." Simple as that. So what exactly has the issue been?

If the leagues' members have voted, or expressed a notion that they don't want this to happen, then really that's of no surprise is it?! If it were Everton or Leeds, or someone we'd be the same, the sad fact of all of this is that it's no longer a question of locality or morality, it's what can be pumped in financially and inevitably that means who has the biggest knobhead owning their club? Let's face it, most of the bastards have done shit to be where they are - and we're stuck with the Victorian sweatshop owner. It's been a case of "if you cannot beat 'em, join 'em" and who better to "join 'em"  with than some of the richest folk on the planet.

People may question the morality of Newcastle United fans throughout this whole debacle, but where the fuck are they when the good people of our own country are being fucked over by Mike "The Leech" Ashley? Fact of the matter is that we care about what we can control - this is our club, we'll take a stand when it's being fucked over - or at least so I thought...

Nonetheless, if governments and United Nations cannot sanction alleged murderous regimes then how the fuck can I, Customer Service Representative or Killingworth? Knobs.

Difference being with these owners, a lot of these new folk have actually developed clubs infrastructure and facilities as well as pumped money into the first team squad - whilst our vulture picks away at the flesh of our club and leaves nothing but the bare bones - an ongoing process that seemingly now won't stop anytime soon. Just more stagnation and backwards peddling to ultimate oblivion just like those from down the road. Our owner is now bored, he's sick and that's that. Premier League survival the immortal motto of an ambition-less regime. One day we might be as screwed as the SMB's and have our own Netflix series.

So much for your fit and proper owners tests and any management of the members in your club. Arse holes.

Above all else, it's only ever the same people who will ultimately be effected by this. Earlier this week I tweeted from my personal account about how I felt people were abusing the use of terminology related to mental illness with regards to the takeover. I still stand by that (albeit not as vociferously as I maybe did originally). However, I share the feeling with those who fairly questioned my stance, the stark reality is that this is not just a vehicle to drag your country into a more liberal world, this is not just meaty roadkill for you to peck and pull away at until you've had your fill, and this is not just another member for you to fuck about and fill up your Premier League club with.

Just like with any club (even the mackems), this is people's hobby, their passion, their go-to-place for a release or for a break, the place where people scrape about for their last few quid to ensure they can spend 90 minutes with their pals in the stands, their community, their people, their city. So show them all a bit more fucking respect. They just want the best for their people.

Make no qualms about it - football without fans is nothing. So for us, our city is Newcastle upon Tyne, and whilst we're here...

Ciao for now 😫